I received the most ridiculous example of an elevator pitch today from a fellow marketing buddy.
Tell me if your B.S. Geiger Counter doesn’t go off when you read this:
We are the ultimate marketing “relationshippers” for visionary companies that love to play “what if” while maintaining a laser-focus on maximizing their potential. We do that not only by planning and implementing traditional communications efforts, but by also creating original ways of connecting clients with the different personalities and resources they need to reach. What that means for you is an assurance that your marketing is aligned with your revenue potential in a way that spurs contagious success. I would love the opportunity to provide you with more information. Would you prefer a phone call or email?
Honestly, what would it take to keep you from stopping the elevator between the 6th and 7th floors and strangling this person under the clanging sounds of emergency bells? It’d be worth it, right?
How would you respond to this pitch instead?
“We give you an unfair advantage in the ring. Let me explain: Mid sized companies are the heroes of America. They make this country work. The fittest often have keen vision, but lack marketing muscle. It’s not their fault, because it’s not their core strength. So when they want to grow, the economy and their competition often beat them to a pulp. Or worse, THEY DIE. Think of us as the marketing strength and conditioning coach that doesn’t just level the playing field for you – We put the horseshoe in your boxing glove. Want to know how?”
This isn’t our elevator pitch. It’s just one I wrote in about 5 minutes to illustrate my point to my friend.
Stories sell! And the sooner we all realize it, the more customers we’ll have gathered around our water coolers.
Got the guts to share your elevator pitch here?
That’s a great example of how jargon muddles your message and makes people zone out. I enjoyed your rewrite. It’s snappy, explains the benefits, tells a story and you don’t need a Master’s in Marketing to understand it.
Thanks Rachel.It was actually a fun exercise this morning, and even just shows that “cranking out” a story is waaaaay better than meticulously manipulating a wad of words for corporate speak. Imagine what one might come up with if they actually tried hard?
Glad you liked it.
Right on. The second pitch feels a lot smoother, more natural. Pitch without pitching right?
What do you think about using negatives though? Using “unfair” to describe your services seems like it could put people off.
Hi Thom. Thanks for your note. A great story line the intrigues, captivates and “sells,” is rarely politically correct. I’m not too concerned about the “Unfair advantage” description, because honestly, isn’t that what we’re all really after. It is a common truth. Being too politically correct veils the truth, and everybody knows it. So who are we really fooling by trying to dance around it. tak it head on, I say. : – )