Comments on: The Elevator Pitch that Plummeted to Earth http://parkhowell.com/green-advertising-and-marketing/the-elevator-pitch-that-plummeted-to-earth A Brighter Shade of Green Marketing Sat, 31 Jul 2010 07:34:24 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Park http://parkhowell.com/green-advertising-and-marketing/the-elevator-pitch-that-plummeted-to-earth/comment-page-1#comment-2122 Park Wed, 14 Apr 2010 15:23:19 +0000 http://parkhowell.com/?p=8843#comment-2122 You're right, John. Your version is better. Thanks for taking the time to punch it up a bit. Yes, pun intended. Now all of the new business we get from it I will attribute to you. What's your elevator pitch? You’re right, John. Your version is better. Thanks for taking the time to punch it up a bit. Yes, pun intended. Now all of the new business we get from it I will attribute to you. What’s your elevator pitch?

]]> By: John F. http://parkhowell.com/green-advertising-and-marketing/the-elevator-pitch-that-plummeted-to-earth/comment-page-1#comment-2119 John F. Wed, 14 Apr 2010 09:49:53 +0000 http://parkhowell.com/?p=8843#comment-2119 Great example of execu-speak in that first pitch. It's so laden with Latinate words, I'm not sure the maximum weight level of the elevator wouldn't have been breached. Your revised version is pretty good. But I wonder if it could be even better by being yet more lean (some buildings have pretty fast elevators, these days). For example: “We give you an unfair advantage in the ring. Let me explain: Mid-sized companies often have keen vision, but lack the budget for big-league marketing muscle. That can make it tough to compete. What we can do is help you level that playing field, like a conditioning coach. We can put the horseshoe in your boxing glove. Want to know how?” Great example of execu-speak in that first pitch. It’s so laden with Latinate words, I’m not sure the maximum weight level of the elevator wouldn’t have been breached.

Your revised version is pretty good. But I wonder if it could be even better by being yet more lean (some buildings have pretty fast elevators, these days).

For example:

“We give you an unfair advantage in the ring. Let me explain: Mid-sized companies often have keen vision, but lack the budget for big-league marketing muscle. That can make it tough to compete. What we can do is help you level that playing field, like a conditioning coach. We can put the horseshoe in your boxing glove. Want to know how?”

]]> By: Park http://parkhowell.com/green-advertising-and-marketing/the-elevator-pitch-that-plummeted-to-earth/comment-page-1#comment-1816 Park Wed, 20 Jan 2010 23:28:54 +0000 http://parkhowell.com/?p=8843#comment-1816 Hi Thom. Thanks for your note. A great story line the intrigues, captivates and "sells," is rarely politically correct. I'm not too concerned about the "Unfair advantage" description, because honestly, isn't that what we're all really after. It is a common truth. Being too politically correct veils the truth, and everybody knows it. So who are we really fooling by trying to dance around it. tak it head on, I say. : - ) Hi Thom. Thanks for your note. A great story line the intrigues, captivates and “sells,” is rarely politically correct. I’m not too concerned about the “Unfair advantage” description, because honestly, isn’t that what we’re all really after. It is a common truth. Being too politically correct veils the truth, and everybody knows it. So who are we really fooling by trying to dance around it. tak it head on, I say. : – )

]]> By: Thom http://parkhowell.com/green-advertising-and-marketing/the-elevator-pitch-that-plummeted-to-earth/comment-page-1#comment-1815 Thom Wed, 20 Jan 2010 23:11:33 +0000 http://parkhowell.com/?p=8843#comment-1815 Right on. The second pitch feels a lot smoother, more natural. Pitch without pitching right? What do you think about using negatives though? Using "unfair" to describe your services seems like it could put people off. Right on. The second pitch feels a lot smoother, more natural. Pitch without pitching right?
What do you think about using negatives though? Using “unfair” to describe your services seems like it could put people off.

]]> By: Park http://parkhowell.com/green-advertising-and-marketing/the-elevator-pitch-that-plummeted-to-earth/comment-page-1#comment-1813 Park Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:21:18 +0000 http://parkhowell.com/?p=8843#comment-1813 Thanks Rachel.It was actually a fun exercise this morning, and even just shows that "cranking out" a story is waaaaay better than meticulously manipulating a wad of words for corporate speak. Imagine what one might come up with if they actually tried hard? Glad you liked it. Thanks Rachel.It was actually a fun exercise this morning, and even just shows that “cranking out” a story is waaaaay better than meticulously manipulating a wad of words for corporate speak. Imagine what one might come up with if they actually tried hard?

Glad you liked it.

]]> By: Rachel Foster http://parkhowell.com/green-advertising-and-marketing/the-elevator-pitch-that-plummeted-to-earth/comment-page-1#comment-1812 Rachel Foster Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:15:02 +0000 http://parkhowell.com/?p=8843#comment-1812 That's a great example of how jargon muddles your message and makes people zone out. I enjoyed your rewrite. It's snappy, explains the benefits, tells a story and you don't need a Master's in Marketing to understand it. That’s a great example of how jargon muddles your message and makes people zone out. I enjoyed your rewrite. It’s snappy, explains the benefits, tells a story and you don’t need a Master’s in Marketing to understand it.

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